1) Make a still. Make alcohol. Use it to power dishwasher. SCIENCE!!!
2) Build an automatic robot (based on science) to load said dishwasher
3) Hide weapons cache for when the robot turns on me
4) Design EMP grenades, as a failsafe
5) Design a wingsuit for the robot, so that it will get distracted by awesome and leave me alone
1) Make a playlist of special “Songs to Brush Your Teeth to”
2) See what happens when I plug kitchen appliances into the 220v line
3) Finish watching every episode of M*A*S*H, use what I learn to open my own surgery
4) Make a still. Make booze. Use it to fuel the lawn mower. SCIENCE!!!
5) Make ToDo list for Thursday, 5/03/2012
1) Record a hardcore punk/metal version of “C is for ‘Cookie’”
2) Start a punk-polka band
3) Form a 1940s style big band that does swing covers of death metal songs
4) Learn to play a digeridoo, use it in every song in the above bands’ repertoires
5) Use money from success of the above bands to hire minions and start my bid for world-domination
1) Kidnap all cell phone carrier executives, and force them to offer better plans across the nation. Or ELSE!
2) Sift through all my belongings, decide what to keep, what to discard, and what to discard by throwing them at people (it’s fun to see the confused look on their faces)
3) Arrange more milkshake-based traps in front of the house
4) Sabotage the neighbours’ milkshake-based traps by diluting them with water
5) Drive my enemies before me
1) Throw a party celebrating 100 posts!
2) Using the scientific method, determine if Speed Stick is any faster to apply than other brands of anti-perspirant and deodorant
3) Throw a party celebrating surviving another day!
4) Modify anti-mosquito laser system to work on mice
5) Throw a party celebrating a successful party!
1) Rocket bike. No reason, aside from the reason of AWESOME!!!
2) Rocket unicycle didn’t work out… let’s try the pulse-jet unicycle…
3) Confuse all the folk, Talking in haiku only, ‘Cause I am a dick
4) Start an over-valued dot-com, sell-out for my exit-strategy and ride the new bubble to Mexico, and FREEDOM!!!
5) Fur coats. No, that’s not too extravagant (it’s almost summer, they’re going on sale soon)
1) Supplement the raspberry bush perimeter with Tesla Coils
2) Surgically graft cell phone to my arm, negating need for phone/mp3 player armband
3) While implanting cell phone, install e-ink tattoo system
4) Finish book of poetry, thus cementing my place as one of the world’s great intellectuals, installing me in a position where I can wreak vengeance on all who have wronged me (William T. Smythe… watch your ass…)
5) Go back in time to verify the legend of Robert Johnson, and if true, exchange my soul for awesome unicycling power
1) Plant raspberry bushes around my abode as a defensive perimeter
2) Make raspberry jam for everyone’s Christmas presents
3) Gather funding from the richest monarchs of Europe, set forth into space to mine asteroids and dwarf planets
4) Weightless sex in space
5) Conduct study determining the feasibility of rolling over after sex in a null-gravity environment
1) Find fountain of youth. Bottle it as baby formula
2) Find fountain of smart. Lace politician’s coffee with it
3) Using a combination of genetic engineering and bio-mechanical computer simulations, commence a study into how many chords of deciduous trees could be thrown on average by individuals of the species marmota monax
4) Stack said chords for firewood
5) Present findings at TED Conference
1) “Create” a language. Write it backwards in journals, so that people will ponder the meanings for centuries after I die
2) Invent a candy that is expensive to produce, and must therefore be expensive to consume. Do not bother with taste tests, as long as the packaging makes it obvious what it is to anyone within eyesight
3) Brainstorm rules for Full Contact Origami matches
4) Create reality show starring the camera crews from Animal Planet shows. You know, the shows with pointy teeth and/or poison. Except with more pointy teeth and poison (no “or”)
5) Start “Extreme Shoe Tieing” as a sport to compete against Extreme Ironing
