Archives for category: Haiku Thursday

1) Hmmmm… Bacon wraps…
2) Hmmmm… Bacon hot pockets…
3) Hmmmm… Bacon toques…
4) Hmmmm… Bacon scarfs… (Wait, what?)
5) Hmmmm… Bacon lingerie… (OK, a) that’s been done, and b) ewwww)

“Bacon improves all”
Though some are still lost causes
Vegemite, for one

1) Put out a hit on Mother Nature… I think she’s pulling a Bait & Switch with Spring & Summer on us
2) Replace Mother Nature with puppet anthropomorphic personifications, Billy Bud & Lisa Leaf, two scantily clad, hot representatives of the seasons (because to have a rebirth in the spring, you need some hot sex in the Fall)
3) Ineffectually fend off charges of sexism/racism/negative body image promotion with sexist/racist/harassment-perpetuating statements, because statistically I won’t get it right (it’s a law of the universe, like gravity, or Marvel’s marketing department ignoring female characters and audiences)
4) Resign from my position to spend more time with my family
5) Get hired as Marvel’s new marketing department director

A sexist haiku
I was going to write one
But it’s too easy

1) Convert everything to solar
2) Wait for fossil fuels to run out, paralyzing the armed forces of the world
3) Attack on the Summer Solstice
4) Laugh in the face of my enemies
5) Have my captured slaves pedal quickly to recharge my forces

Use solar power
First charge, then fight, then you win
Then recharge once more

1) Mind the step
2) Mine the steppe
3) A.A. Milne the stead
4) Mind the dead
5) Mine the steppe (with explosives this time)

The English language
Who came up with all this stuff?
They need a thrashing

Demonstrate my skills
For it is Haiku Thursday
My chosen genre

The world is a mess
I shall fix it with haiku
Such is its power

April Montreal
Birds sing, leaves grow, all beauty
All the snow is gone

Now I wrack my brain
For my next haiku topic
How about them Habs?

I tell but a lie
Hockey interests me not
Unicycle on!

1) Have a little… chat with Mother Nature about this weather
2) Accelerate plans for world domination
3) Having achieved world domination, heavily restrict use of fossil fuels
4) Keep a large supply on hand, just in case the Republicans are right (statistically, they have to be right aboutsomething… Eventually)
5) Buy oceanfront property, sell to climate change deniers at only a small mark-up… If they’re right, I still make a small profit, if they’re wrong, I get to laugh louder

Climate change debate
Scientists be wrong, I hope
Taking swim lessons

1) Try and keep up with this “early morning” trend
2) Remember that old proverb: Early to bed, early to rise, makes the brutal dictator seem wise
3) Write one manifesto paragraph about my impending world domination every morning veggie breakfast
4) Slowly work my way to decaf
5) Threaten the world with naught but decaf

Oh my fucking gods
How can this be my coffee?
For I yet doth sleep