1) Modify riding lawn mower into a freakin’ HOVERCRAFT!
2) Ensure that it is free of eels
3) Transplant any found eels into the submarine I make out of a go-kart
4) Any birds found in the submarine should be moved to the hovercraft
5) And fed/fed to the eels (depending on the size & ferocity of the birds/eels

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1) Put out a hit on Mother Nature… I think she’s pulling a Bait & Switch with Spring & Summer on us
2) Replace Mother Nature with puppet anthropomorphic personifications, Billy Bud & Lisa Leaf, two scantily clad, hot representatives of the seasons (because to have a rebirth in the spring, you need some hot sex in the Fall)
3) Ineffectually fend off charges of sexism/racism/negative body image promotion with sexist/racist/harassment-perpetuating statements, because statistically I won’t get it right (it’s a law of the universe, like gravity, or Marvel’s marketing department ignoring female characters and audiences)
4) Resign from my position to spend more time with my family
5) Get hired as Marvel’s new marketing department director

A sexist haiku
I was going to write one
But it’s too easy

1) Build an automatic robot, based on science, to do my work for me
2) See if I can finagle a doctorate out of that project
3) Either way, use my newfound leisure time to swim in Newfound Lake and vacation in Newfoundland
4) Both of these will require muni time
5) And repeat 2 through 4

1) Apply antibiotic cream to scrapes
2) Ice ankles
3) Repair/Replace damaged/broken gear
4) Rest
5) Do it all again ASAP

TGIF!!!
1) Thank God It’s Frappacinno!
2) Thank Gary It’s Frank! (Who?)
3) Thank Gross-negligence It’s Gone! (Uhhh…)
4) Thank Gimbals It’s Floating! (That doesn’t make sense!)
5) Thank G It’s F! ( this is a long weekend, isn’t it?)

1) Convert everything to solar
2) Wait for fossil fuels to run out, paralyzing the armed forces of the world
3) Attack on the Summer Solstice
4) Laugh in the face of my enemies
5) Have my captured slaves pedal quickly to recharge my forces

Use solar power
First charge, then fight, then you win
Then recharge once more

1)  Listen to Bob Marley and the Hunchback Whalers

2)  Send out a belated card for Llamathers’s Day

4) Cam-Hell or high water, pass through the desert

5) I guess if there’s high water then it won’t be much of a desert… Hmmm… dessert…